So I Suck ..... Shut Up
wow... i really suck with consistency. lol i say i'll write everyday, and i don't. i say that i'll start running more often, i run like once and then stop again. Same thing with any other exercise... or anything else for that matter. lol Anyways... Well today was the first day of basketball tryouts, i thought i did pretty good, and they don't start cutting until tomorrow, so i'll keep you informed. lol after try outs my mum wasn't there so i went back inside to watch the boys. yum! =] lol and The pretty excited. i mean seriously, a holiday that's all about eating? =] now that's my kind of holiday. boy was trying out, and he kept looking at me. lol too bad i looked like crap, because i sweated all my make up off, and my hair was all frizzy, but oh well. he was sweaty too. lol but the difference is... i didn't mind that he was... he can pull it off. lol Anyways school's been okay, not as dramatic as usual -surprising, no?- but it's still school. it's almost Thanksgiving, so i'mlol it's in like what... 2, 3 days? yay. lol And that means Christmas -and my birthday =] - are all the closer. i hate being single during the holidays. seriously, it's all about cuddling and spending it with the people you love... *sigh* oh well i guess. K, i'm done bitching. lol I'm so excited on Friday, a whole bunch of my friends and i are going to see Happy Feet! hahaha we're dorks, but at least we don't deny it. lol i wanna see it SO bad. it looks so cute. =] hehe Anyways... so the guy from over the summer isn't talking to me again. i guess it shouldn't bother me, but it does. i still have feelings for him, and it blows because i know he doesn't feel the same way. and hey, maybe it's better that way. but still. it sucks. a simple hey, what's up? would be great, but no. of course not. nothing can be that easy. *yet, another sigh* Anyways.... i don't even know if i really want to make the basketball team. i mean, of course i do, if i don't i'm going to be so bored. but it's just kinda a whatever type thing. you know? i'm not as in love with basketball as i used to be, but i'm still trying my hardest, because maybe things will turn out for the best. i know God has a plan for me, and if it doesn't include basketball, oh well. i'll find something else. Jordan and i talked about getting jobs together, and that would be a lot of fun too, and i think at the moment, i'd rather do that than play basketball. i'd earn money -and Christmas is coming soon- and i'd be having fun. Ya, basketball is fun, but it's hard work. And i used to love that about it. i was waaay skinny last year, and i think i parcially owe it to baksetball, and i've gained -not a lot, but still- weight. which also sucks. whatever. we'll just see what happens. Brandi and i were talking, and we feel exactly the same. we don't have parents on the school bored like other people do, and we don't have older siblings that we can practice with, and who can help guide us. we babysit all the time, and that takes away from practicing basketball, like over the summer and stuff. Hm.... I guess i'll just have to wait and see. Write more later XoXoX Kelsey
Bras and Broomsticks
It's a love/hate relationship. I love romance novels, especially when they're about kiddies my age, but at the same time I hate them. because you want that to happen to you and chances are, it's never gonna. I know i said i wasn't gonna let wanting a boyfriend take over my life, and it's not. i just really really want one. they make life easier. they're the reason to get outta be and get cute in the morning and the reason to answer the phone at night. they act like dorks and nerds, but we love them anyways. They can be the man-ly-est man ever and they know exactly how to make your heart melt. and probably the most important reason ever... they know our flaws and they love us anyways. Well, some of them do anyways... and the ones that don't can bite me. =] lol But seriously, they're always there for you and they know how to make things better. They love/like you for you. Period. There's nothing artificial about it. I want that. The stress-free relationship. Does it even exist? seriously. there's always someone mad that you're going out with someone and then things get nasty. *sigh* I read the sweetest poem just a couple minutes ago. My friend and this guy were totally in love last year, and then this year he goes to the same school as me, and she goes to a different school. they still feel the same way, but she has a boyfriend now. well, maybe not now but when she read this at first she did. Here's the Poem
My Greatest Fear
I'm in love with a girl, but I don't know if she knows it. Does she love me... Yes or no? Or does she not know how to show it? ... Do I deserve another try or does she think that I should die? I've known her since 2nd grade and I think about her everyday. I never want our frindship to fade, but friendship isn't the only way... I want to say I love you and if I said it you know its true. You know I'm always here for you. I'd let you cry in my arms all night, all night, all night, until you slept tight. Then I'd just stare at your beautiful face and that would be a memory I could never erase... So if you ever see me and i apear to be moody.. It's because I'm thinking about what could happen to her, or who could hurt her, but what's worse of all is she's in someone else's arms and I know that person will only cause her harm, so I want you to know that I'm always here and that you getting hurt is my greatest fear...
Uhm.... ya, how sweet is that? I mean seriously. Any girl would kill for that. And my bestest friend in the whole wide world has it. And i envy her like no other. Not only is he totally in love with her, but she's gorgeous. and level-headed. Ya, she's made some mistakes, but we all have, so i'm not gonna judge her for it. i'm sure i've made more and made worse, but she still loves me and i'll always love her. She's the type of best friend that i see us in 80 years sitting on a park bench talking about the way "the young people" dress. lol That's just the way we are. and we'd be laughing out asses off. Hah. Life seems so much easier when we were little.... and then it seems to be easy -well easier, anyways- when we're old. there's just so much in between time it's ridiculous. i recently got an email from my aunt. it was called "the dash" and it was talking about on a tombstone, how there's the year you were born and the year you died, and between the two years, there is a dash. and how it's not the years that matter, it's the dash that means the most to the people that were left behind and the memories the person that died shared. i think that's a great way to think about that. i know i had a point to telling you guys that, but now i can't remember. lol well, it's a good story anyways. =] Well, i better go. Write more later
XoXoX
Kelsey
Funny Little Feeling
I'm not doin fine I'm desecratin lives I boned a phone booth of a lady shaky heinous crime nailing hands down to floorboards angry side gone overboard and I'm bored still bored I'm so bored I've got a funny little feeling my arms are shakin like a lightnin rod yeah I'll canonball right through the ceiling and sink my teeth in till the feeling's gone yeah Oh I'm a slow move guy no time for swatting flies appeasing bees knees easing g-string seizing wheezing funny little feeling lick it dry wonder just who am I? Prison warden, teenage boy, transvestite with high heels on Hey where has my life gone? Ain't done anything I want according to my list I've still got so many musicians to kill will kill until I fill my landfill full of bodies standing still I've got a funny little feeling my arms are shakin like a lightnin rod yeah I'll canonball right through the ceiling and sink my teeth in till the feeling's gone yeah I've got a funny little feeling my arms are shakin like a lightnin rod yeah I'll canonball right through the ceiling and sink my teeth in till the feeling's gone yeah
...the supreme irony...
The supreme irony of life is no one gets out alive, so what's holding you back? that's my new quote to live by. it totally fits every situation, all the time. why try to be someone you're not just to impress the person you may never get? take the plunge. let 'em know how you feel, you never know how they feel about you, and the results may suprise you. I know, i know. i should try looking in a mirror when i say stuff like this, but i'm not so great at the self advice, i always chicken out. and when i don't, i usually screw things up. i get nervous and say things ways i don't mean them in and then things are awkward and then they suck. and then that's the end of that. except for one time... it happened kinda recently and if anything it made my life SO much better. he flirts more -he's a shy guy- and we talk a lot easier. things aren't so "hm... what do i say now?" they just flow. and it makes me happy. even though normally i let boys get me now, from now on, i'm not. if i get asked out by the guy i like, that's great and i'd be happier, but if i don't, that's fine too. Ya, of course i want a boyfriend. what girl doesn't? but i'm not gonna let my life revolve around it. i wish i could focus less on boys and more on things that matter... for example, God -that's a bigger-, my family -my little brother in specific-, my schoolwork -oh boy, don't get me started- and my friends... especially since i'll be loosing almost all of them when friggen glacier opens. it's stupid. they're separating the last class at kjhs.... GOD.... i don't even know. it's stupid. And it makes me really sad. This is our last year together, and it seems like everyone except me can't wait to be outta the junior high. whatever. i just want this year to go by slow.. i know that sounds gay, but i do. i just want everything to stay the same. i don't want to grow up. i have fun being a "kid" still. ya, people say i'm getting so old, but really i'm not, i have what... a whole nother 80 years to live. i'm still a baby, basically. and i don't want that taken from me. lol so what if i still love the little mermaid, and going to little kiddie movies with my friends? so what if i wear pink? or wear things that my grandma bought for me -well, as long as it's cute anyways... lol- and anyways, as long as i'm happy, it shouldn't matter what people think of me. okay, so maybe that's not too. i wish i could say i didn't care what everyone thinks about me, but i do. i'm super self concience. i'm always worried if i wear a shirt kinda low cut people are gonna call me a slut. i'm not. i've only made out with a guy. that's it. and i don't plan on letting it go farther than that until i'm married. i'm sure i'm gonna get labeled a prude. but seriously, that's the one thing i don't care about. i'd rather save myself, than give it up to a guy in the backseat of his car. period. i just don't want it to be that way. my mum got pregnant when she was 19, she had to give up all her dreams to have me. and i don't want to have to make the same sacrifices. i totally look up to her, for all she's done for our family. i just don't want to be as stressed as she is. living paycheck-to-paycheck, in a house that no one in our family likes, and a working at a job i hate. i want to make something of my life. i want my husband and kids to be happy. and i don't ever want to move after i've had children. i've had to move/change schools about.... oh... 8 or 9 times. ya, it sucks. i'm never going to put my kids through that. Well, that's enought for now. Write more later
XoXoX
Kelsey
Oh Boy
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ave you ever wanted to just leave everything behind. maybe take that one person with you, but other than that, just leave? get away from all the drama and backstabbing and all the shit that goes on in high school? that's exactly what i'm wanting right now. school is gay. boys are gay. life is gay. i just want to give up. seriously. i know i have problems that probably don't seem as bad as other people's but i've never dealt with other people's problem, so i can't compare. don't judge me for thinking i'm having a hard time. ya, your's may be worse, but that doesn't mean i'm gonna pretend like i'm fine just to make you feel better. i'm so sick of people and their shit. seriously. i'm sick of people talking crap about me. i'm sick of him ignoring me. and i'm sick of all the things my friends are dumping on me. i want them to talk to me, but i don't want them to think i can fix everything. i'm a great listener, but seriously, have you seen how fucked up my life is? i'm no miracle worker, i can promise you that. and i can guarantee that my advice will only put you in the hole even more. i just want a sign that everything gets better. like one of these days i'll come home and my house won't be so crappy, or the boy will ask me out. just something. i just want to know that i'll be happy again. i've gotten so good at pretending i'm happy, when in fact i'm not. it seems like i'm never accually happy anymore... and i just want that to be over. i have no life. seriously. every weekend i'm at home, usually doing what i'm doing now. sitting on the computer being bored outta my mind, and really i'm sick of that. i haven't been in trouble in forever, i don't talk nearly as much as i used to, and i'm becoming shy. uhm, no. that's not gonna work for me. i love laughing and partying, but it's kinda hard since i'm becoming a recluse. if i was to to count every "i' in this blog, i'm sure i would be in the hundreds. everyone reading this, if anyone reads this, i'm sure you think i'm really concieted, but i'm not. i promise. read my about me, and you'll realize that. well i've gotta go.... write more later XoXoX Kelsey
Trying Again;;
Well, i said i was going to write in this everyday, but it didn't work out. i decided to start up again though... One Tree Hill gave me inspiration. lol Wow... sounds lame, but whatever. i've decided this is gonna be the one place where i'm really myself. i'm not going to try to be cool, or prep, or emo or whatever other stereotype you want to give me. i'm just gonna be.. well... me.
