...the supreme irony...

The supreme irony of life is no one gets out alive, so what's holding you back? that's my new quote to live by. it totally fits every situation, all the time. why try to be someone you're not just to impress the person you may never get? take the plunge. let 'em know how you feel, you never know how they feel about you, and the results may suprise you. I know, i know. i should try looking in a mirror when i say stuff like this, but i'm not so great at the self advice, i always chicken out. and when i don't, i usually screw things up. i get nervous and say things ways i don't mean them in and then things are awkward and then they suck. and then that's the end of that. except for one time... it happened kinda recently and if anything it made my life SO much better. he flirts more -he's a shy guy- and we talk a lot easier. things aren't so "hm... what do i say now?" they just flow. and it makes me happy. even though normally i let boys get me now, from now on, i'm not. if i get asked out by the guy i like, that's great and i'd be happier, but if i don't, that's fine too. Ya, of course i want a boyfriend. what girl doesn't? but i'm not gonna let my life revolve around it. i wish i could focus less on boys and more on things that matter... for example, God -that's a bigger-, my family -my little brother in specific-, my schoolwork -oh boy, don't get me started- and my friends... especially since i'll be loosing almost all of them when friggen glacier opens. it's stupid. they're separating the last class at kjhs.... GOD.... i don't even know. it's stupid. And it makes me really sad. This is our last year together, and it seems like everyone except me can't wait to be outta the junior high. whatever. i just want this year to go by slow.. i know that sounds gay, but i do. i just want everything to stay the same. i don't want to grow up. i have fun being a "kid" still. ya, people say i'm getting so old, but really i'm not, i have what... a whole nother 80 years to live. i'm still a baby, basically. and i don't want that taken from me. lol so what if i still love the little mermaid, and going to little kiddie movies with my friends? so what if i wear pink? or wear things that my grandma bought for me -well, as long as it's cute anyways... lol- and anyways, as long as i'm happy, it shouldn't matter what people think of me. okay, so maybe that's not too. i wish i could say i didn't care what everyone thinks about me, but i do. i'm super self concience. i'm always worried if i wear a shirt kinda low cut people are gonna call me a slut. i'm not. i've only made out with a guy. that's it. and i don't plan on letting it go farther than that until i'm married. i'm sure i'm gonna get labeled a prude. but seriously, that's the one thing i don't care about. i'd rather save myself, than give it up to a guy in the backseat of his car. period. i just don't want it to be that way. my mum got pregnant when she was 19, she had to give up all her dreams to have me. and i don't want to have to make the same sacrifices. i totally look up to her, for all she's done for our family. i just don't want to be as stressed as she is. living paycheck-to-paycheck, in a house that no one in our family likes, and a working at a job i hate. i want to make something of my life. i want my husband and kids to be happy. and i don't ever want to move after i've had children. i've had to move/change schools about.... oh... 8 or 9 times. ya, it sucks. i'm never going to put my kids through that. Well, that's enought for now. Write more later

XoXoX
Kelsey